When I started this blog many months ago, it was a result of going to a seminar and building one for work. I thought it would be a fun way to keep friends and family updated on my pregnancy and some of the trials and tribulations experienced as a first-time mom. In the back of my brain, I knew that having a blog meant everyone with access to the world wide web would see these pictures and ramblings, but that didn’t bother me at the time. There are millions of blogs out there about parents and their babies—why would anyone not known to or related to me even bother?
So, imagine my surprise when I received a flaming email from Ricki (who I don’t know) early this morning.
“i was into your blog until you started getting all my kid is better than yours.”
What the hell? If you know me (which Ricki obviously doesn’t) I’m not that kind of person and I have never written anything that says that. I can see now where she might have picked up this tone—my post about Aidan’s high fivin’ was meant to be tongue in cheek, but I guess that didn’t come through. (I mean really, high fivin’ is hardly a skill and he hasn’t done it since!)
In any case, Ricki continued her virtual tirade insulting me, my child, my husband and working mothers. She continued to say that her being a stay-at-home mom to three boys made her a “real” mom and then she cast a “pox” on me and my family.
Oh, she also called me a cow and attacked my ethnicity. Nice.
There were more insults and unsolicited, fragments of so-called mothering advice, but really, it was just mean.
I naively thought motherhood was this universal club where other moms shared knowing looks and supported each other, whether you chose to stay home or not. I’m lucky to be surrounded by friends that are moms (stay at home and working) that share advice and do not judge because our parenting styles and decisions are different. I’m sure in a perfect world, all moms would love to stay home with their babies, but a lot of them can’t. I’m one of them. I think when it comes down to it, parents want happy, healthy kids and they will do whatever it takes to attain that in order to raise them into kind, happy, productive adults. As long as that is the goal, does the “means” matter, as long as no one is getting hurt, taken advantage of, etc.?
I don’t think I’m different from any other mother that revels in the little, ordinary milestones that babies do—probably not a lot blog about it. I could blog about sleepless nights, worrying about whether he’s nursing enough, how tired I am at the end of the day—but why waste time complaining when I can talk about the small “unordinary,” fun things that my kid is doing?
Since I can blog, I do because I want to share this news with those who care. If you don’t care, don’t read my blog.
Ricki, you are very lucky to be able to stay home with your boys and they are lucky to have you. I truly hope you and yours never experience the feelings of intolerance, judgment, and downright meanness your email inflicted on me.
4 comments:
Alright, I have read through your whole blog again and not once - never - did you say your child was better than anyone elses. You did say he was a genius - but that comment has absolutely no comparitive meaning in it.
Its funny. I am trying to teach my kids that you can say nice things about someone and it does not mean you are making any valuation of yourself. It is kind of the opposite of this situation.
For example - I was in the store once and we saw a little boy that was just learning to walk. I said to Bek "look, honey. Look at how well that little boy is walking!" The mother looked at me in disgust and said, 'your daughter will walk soon - just give her time!"
I smiled at her and said, "my daughter does walk. I was only celebrating your success, not making a comment on my own".
Conversely, I can tell someone that my daughter is smart and it does not mean that I think your kid is not.
Why do people make that leap? It is strange.
Any way, keep blogging and don't let anyone get you down. Aiden is a genius.
Much mommy-love.
Thanks Momma MBA! I appreciate the support. (And how can you argue the logic of a Momma with an MBA, I ask you? How did that mother react when you said you were celebrating her success?
Isn't it sad how the seeds of competition and "keeping up with the joneses junior" are sown so early?
I will fight the good fight and continue blogging for the Team. Hoo-rah.
I think it's the right of all parents to celebrate our child's genius. Even "Ricki's". All children have strenths and weaknesses. It's our job to encourage them through both. I think it's a shame if she never brags about her children's accomplishments. Maybe it would make her feel better and she would stop taking her frustrations out on other people.
I found your blog through another - so you don't know me. But I have 2 kids, and here's what I believe: That every child deserves to have parent(s) who think that they are the sun and the moon. Who else is ever going to love you and brag about you that way?
Don't temper your comments to ease anyone else's insecurities. Aiden is very lucky.
Blog on.
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